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On men who don’t work, relationships with no future, and dating a deadbeat

Question

Should I let my 18-year-old daughter date a 20-year-old who doesn’t go to college or have a job? What if the guy says he doesn’t work because his grandfather left him money, or that he plans to go to school sometime in the future, but not today?

 

Answer

You know the answer to that question without my telling you. Maybe the guy has money, maybe not. But even wealthy adults generally work, as few people are truly happy without something constructive to do with their day. I would be suspicious of the motivation, maturity, and wisdom of someone who embraces a no-future lifestyle at such an early age.

There may be some legitimate reasons for this man’s choices, and I can’t say with certainty that he would be a bad catch for your daughter. But while I know nothing about your daughter, I can still say with considerable confidence that she could do better.

 

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